Life, Beautifully Contradicted

Do you believe the right person remains right, even when timing’s not quite aligned?

Or are you the skeptic kind who finds, if hearts align, so will their times?

Perhaps a nihilist, who doesn’t put faith in a so-called “right person,” believing that no such thing exists in life?

For most of my life, I placed my faith in the idea that love is unacquainted with obstacles. I believed there was someone who would understand me in all the ways I longed to be understood, see me through the exact lens I wished to be seen, and when together, we’d just simply be.

Facing multiple disappointments later in life, a question appeared that terrified me before I could reach for its answer:

What if there isn’t?

When one familiarises themselves with hurt, an inner conflict begins. They start to question their beliefs, slowly sedating the desires that speaks their soul’s language. I found ease in grounding my inner romanticiser instead of facing the truth that it was never them, but the version of them I projected, that became the answer to my prayers.

My last relationship strengthened the sceptic in me, convincing that if it were truly right, timing will feel right too . Later, I realised his surrender to fate was not faith but fear, a way to escape the truth that love demands courage and choice. When accountability became too heavy, he handed it to the stars, saying they weren’t aligned for us.

That’s when the ropes began to pull me toward the nihilist corner, a reckoning that revealed there may be no one out there who would accept me not despite but for my true colours.

I found solace in sliding into the observer’s corner. My anxious attachment had grown too tired; it simply could not handle another abandonment.

As life slowly settled, forcefulness remained behind my shoulder, and my inner state felt at ease. I began to feel calmer and grounded, surrounding myself with understanding and compassion.

Life revolves around frequency. The more love and gratitude I nurtured, the higher the vibration I released. As I focused on the present, my presence shimmered, creating an energetic signal that pulled similar ones around my corner.

Then, on a random Saturday night, I met someone who didn’t meet any of my expectations, in all the good ways possible.

The more time we spent together, the more I felt as if I were talking to a male version of myself.

Everything felt aligned except for one thing: timing. Thanks to my luck, I managed to meet perhaps the most emotionally available person at the least emotionally available time of their life.

A quiet disappointment settled. My former sceptic stirred my thoughts and my inner voice echoed:

The right person does not come at the wrong time.

Slowly, I began to detach myself until I received a message earlier, a screenshot of a note I shared on here that said:
“It’s just nice to read your thoughts sometimes.”

I didn’t feel excited. I felt seen, on a soul level.

I had longed for a presence who could see beyond my face and trace the constellations of my inner design.

In that moment, I realised, we keep saying life is unfair, but what if we are the ones who are not fair to life?

Our nervous system manifests protection, projecting its learnings from former experiences regardless of the differences in their nature.

Then the mind takes the wheel, constructing the experience it believes is real. One constructs their own world, and that is when we trap ourselves in our own self-fulfilling prophecies.

Judgment aids survival on an intellectual level but equally imprisons the heart within its own conclusions.

Without even knowing, one has already settled their mind, withdrawing their presence while thinking:

History is going to repeat itself.

Ask yourself, how many times have you refrained from taking a risk, and ended up feeling only partially alive?

I don’t have the answers, and I can never promise you a good outcome. But life is full of beautiful contradictions, pulsing through its uncertain nature.

Journey is never linear, and perhaps that is what gives the pursuit of meaning its own meaning.

Maybe there is no meaning at all but only the need to keep searching, and in that search, to feel alive.

The mystery never really ends, and maybe that’s what makes the journey such a wonder.

The outcome of the equation remains unknown, and that’s all I needed to know. Nothing further.

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I’ve opened a 20% discount on paid subscriptions until the end of this month as a small way of offering my gratitude and saying thank you. 🤍